Missing something?

I know that my cook made a slight mistake with your order. He mistakenly told me the marinara was in the dish to the left and the meat sauce was in the dish to the right. I apologize I did not tear into your meal to check for myself. I apologize that I was not able to see through the mound of cheese baked on top of your pasta made to order with "extra, extra" cheese to see my mistake. I am sorry that you were too busy talking to hear me tell you when I delivered the dishes that my cook told me which was which and politely suggest checking before I leave the table. You must have heard me say that I prepared the dishes myself and mixed them up on purpose.

I am deeply sorry that when the mistake was discovered, your meal was replaced in less than 2 minutes. Maybe I did not apologize enough, or you wanted more than the round of drinks the house bought you. It is possible that yelling at me did not bring you enough satisfaction. You are correct; I am an idiot, and I am sure your "retarded friend" could have gotten your order right, unlike myself.
Thank you for your 9% tip. This leaves me only having to pay a small amount in taxes for having the pleasure of waiting on you.

Just a bit of advice from the idiot waitress...don't leave your credit card behind next time you leave the waitress a bad tip. You are lucky as I am not one to act out of spite. Your card will safely be waiting for you Sunday when we reopen after the holiday. I only hope that you needed it for your fourth of July celebrating.