Stupid Things Customers Say

Customers say some really silly things, don't they? Sometimes I am so appreciative of these little comments and questions. They make me smile, laugh, and give me plenty to talk about with other employees.

1) "I'll have the half pound angus burger, with cheese and mushrooms. Can I get that with Swiss?" Basically a Mushroom Swiss Burger off the menu. Why they can't just order what it says on the menu I will never understand. Another variation on this is the customer that orders the "half pound angus burger" and wants to know what they can get on it. We have a menu for that exact purpose. And all our burgers are half pound angus, so just order from the menu. No need to specify. I will not try to slip you the kids quarter pound burger just because you didn't say you wanted the half pound.

2) "Do you have a bathroom?" Umm, yes. We have a bathroom.

3) "What beer do you have on tap?" After listing the dozen that we carry they order a basic Miller Lite.

4) Asking me what comes on a sandwich. Our menu contains descriptions of all items, so read it. Yes, I know what comes on the sandwich, but just read.

5) "Is the [random item from the menu] any good?" Do you really want to ask me this? If you like pasta and sauce then you will like the mostaccoli.

6) At the end of a bartending shift I will tell customer I am leaving and ask if they want to close out their tab or just have me transfer it to the next bartender. After telling me to leave it open they will catch me on my way out the door, "Oh, are you leaving? I guess I'll tip you next time."

7) "Smile!" Do I need to elaborate on this one?

8) "You are more friendly when you're bartending." Um, yeah. I suppose that when you are sitting at the bar and I am waitressing, I may not seem as "friendly" (i.e. talking to you for more than two minutes). Think about this...I have customers sitting on each end of the restaurant, whom I can't see when I am standing at the bar talking to you. I have twice as many customers than the bar and must walk three times more to serve them than the bartender. They are all drinking at different paces, and I (surprise!) do not have time to stand around and chat with you. I am working. I am talking to my customers. You are not my customer. Yes, I enjoy talking to you, but I enjoy making money more. Ironically, the same people that say this when they are sitting at the bar make it a point to tell me that I am a better waitress than specific others who, I might add, do stand around talking to the bar customers instead of their tables. I know alcohol has certain effects, but can we at least try some higher thinking here?